Xoxo, the abductor

Xoxo needed money. It never occurred to him that it was possible to obtain it in a quiet and legal way. Then again, Xoxo never was the brightest person one could get to know.

No. He needed money and when he thought about money and in the way to get it, Xoxo thought of puppies. The reason or the logical pathway with which he came to that way of thinking was never found, or if it was, it was too irrational to be considered seriously.

Puppies. Children loved puppies. And the parents would do anything to get the kids to stop crying because the puppy was gone. It was the perfect plan. Xoxo would kidnapp a puppy and get enough money to be set for life. Well, maybe not enough for that, but enough to avoid working for at least... a month.

Xoxo had another problem besides having the radical making-money idea mentioned above. The other problem was that he was lazy. It would be too much work to actually go and look for an appropriate puppy to kidnap. So he simply decided to avoid looking for one. He did not need to look for one when he had a perfectly adorable new puppy at his brother's house. Aunt Marsha had given the puppy to Xoxo's nephew, Johnas, last week for his birthday and from what he had seen Johnas had loved getting the puppy. Xoxo had heard Johnas' father and Xoxo's brother, Marvin, tell Aunt Marsha repeatedly how amazed he was that she had gotten Johnas a puppy. Surely Marvin wouldn't doubt paying a ransom for the puppy. It was the perfect target. And so Xoxo left his house early in the morning towards his brother's place.

The whole kidnapp part of Xoxo's plan was a piece of cake. Marvin always went to work at 6 o'clock and Johnas went to school at the same time, so when Xoxo arrived at 8 o'clock the house was all alone. It was only a matter of minutes to get inside Marvin's house (he used the key his brother had given him for those 'just in case' situations and for Xoxo this moment qualified as one), got the dog collar that was on the table on the puppy and left. The trip home presented no problem either.

It was all going according to plan. Now he would wait a few hours and call his brother. He would ask for 500 US dollars and he'd be set. Marvin would give him the money and Xoxo would release the puppy near his brother's house so his nephew Johnas would get his pet back. What could go wrong? Not a thing.

Xoxo took the collar off the puppy and left him in his living-room while he went to get them something to eat. Not knowing the taste of puppies, he made two ham and cheese sandwiches: one for him and one for the puppy.

By the time he got back to the living room, he found that the puppy had managed to get on top of his favourite and only sofa. It was not in any way a especial couch. The only advantages that it had was the soft feel of the cushions and how comfortable it was. Xoxo smiled at seeing the guileless puppy laying on his sofa. That puppy would get him what he wanted.

He left the sandwiches on a nearby table and looked around his apartment. Not knowing what to do while waiting, Xoxo decided to do what any smart person would do to pass the time: watch TV. To do that, he realized that he would need to move the puppy so he could sit on the sofa. Xoxo could not watch TV unless he sat on that couch.

"Come on, puppy. Get down from there. It's Xoxo's turn now."

The puppy's answer to that was a simple yawn and then he got more comfortable on the sofa. It did not seem that the puppy was going to get off the couch on his own any time soon. And that did not go well with Xoxo. The puppy was going to get helped out of the sofa.

Xoxo grabbed the puppy and pulled him towards him, so that the dog would fall off the couch. It worked. or at least it seemed to. As soon as the puppy hit the floor, it got up and before Xoxo could sit down on the sofa, sat again on the seat. Xoxo did not see that last part so he ended sitting on top of the puppy, but not for long.

With a growl and plenty of not yet very sharp teeth, Xoxo was expelled from the couch. Patting his hurt behind, Xoxo turned around angrily to look directly into the puppy's eyes.

"You bloody bastard! There was no need to do that!"

He raised his arm as if to hit the puppy. He was not going to hit the puppy of course, but then the puppy did not know that. Or so he thought.

Without any fear in its eyes, only distilling cuteness, the puppy stood on the couch, lifted a leg and let nature take its course.

"Aaargh!!" was all that Xoxo was able to articulate.

It had ruined his favourite couch! The bloody puppy had pissed on his sofa!!

Xoxo was not going to wait. He would make the call to Marvin right that moment. As soon as it was possible he would get rid of that couch-peeing puppy.

Trying to calm himself, Xoxo picked up a mobile and dialled Marvin.

"Hello Xoxo" answered Marvin after the first ring.

Xoxo started to speak and paused. Wait a moment, how does he know it's me?

"Xoxo? Why are you calling? Has something happened?"

Oh, I'm such a bloody idiot! I called him with my mobile! He has my number on record! Someone should shoot me for being this stupid. I have to fix it!, he thought.

"Er... hi, Marv!" He said in a rush. "I just go a note that says that Johnas puppy has been abducted! The person asks for 500 US dollars as ransom!" There he had fixed it.

"What?!" Asked Marvin sounding amazed. Xoxo hoped it was the way the voice came through the line. "Really? Are you completely sure? Why did you get the note? Shouldn't I the owner have gotten it?"

"Hell, if I know, Marv! I just got it! I don't know why me! Who knows how this abductor thinks!" I really hope he believes me. Otherwise I'm screwed!, he thought. Xoxo went on: "Anyway, yes, I'm sure, Marv. As soon as I got the letter I went by your place to see for myself and the puppy wasn't there! What are you going to do? Are you going to pay it? Think of Johnas!"

Xoxo held his breath. It was the moment of truth.

"Of course not, Xoxo!! Whoever took him can keep it! I don't like dogs and Johnas is allergic to them! I don't know who abducted the puppy but whoever it was did me a favor!"

"Really? I thought you liked the dog! I saw how thankful you were to Aunt Marsha."

"But of course I told her I was thankful! It would have been extremely bad manners not to have thanked her even if I hated the present. So I did and she was happy. I was waiting a little so she wouldn't be suspicious and in a few weeks I was going to give it in adoption to a friend of mine. I was only worried about what I was going to say to Aunt Marsha when she found out that I no longer had the bloody dog. But now I have a great excuse! Oh, boy, I'm so happy! I'm going home to confirm this wonderful news and then I'm going to call Aunt Marsha. Whoever this is, I'm really thankful! Thanks for the news, Xoxo! You're a great brother! Talk to you later!"

Xoxo hung up, sat down slowly on the floor and looked at the puppy sleeping on his favourite now-ruined sofa. Not only had he gotten no money, he now was the owner of the puppy. Xoxo did not know why but somehow his whole plan had turned out awfully wrong.

Excelente manera de empezar el día... v2.0

Sabiendo que me tenía que despertar relativamente temprano para estudiar clínicos, no tuve problema alguno con mi consciencia en quedarme leyendo un libro hasta pasadas la 1 de la mañana. Yo sabía que iba a tener inconvenientes para despertarme, pero no me imaginé que me iba a quedar dormida, sin agua caliente en la ducha y que mi desayuno se iba a fundir en un grito de:

Toasts on fire!!!!

Chau tostadora Panoramic!!! Te veo a la vuelta del service!!

Ahora sí, a estudiar (?)

PS: Disfrute de la v1.0 de Excelente manera de empezar el día aquí

EDIT: y al rato se cortó la luz... qué divino! ¬¬

Cosas que no se perdonan

Hace unos días escuchando radio en el auto, tuve un pequeño viaje a mi niñez. Estaban pasando la canción Barbie Girl, de Aqua [para aquellos que no tuvieron niñez y nunca la escucharon o simplemente no la recuerdan, acá está el link de la canción en YouTube]. El hecho de renovar el contacto entre mis oidos y esta canción, me impulsó a querer escuchar la discografía de esta banda, hace mucho tiempo olvidada.
Como dicen, de gustos no hay nada escrito, por lo tanto no me avergüenzo de decir que me gustaba ese grupo, que todavía las canciones me siguen pareciendo pegadizas y que me parece, por qué no?, un grupo digno de una escuchada de tanto en tanto [muy, muy, muy de tanto en tanto]. Es cierto también, que en cuestiones de detalles musicales el grupo es malo, pero en cuestión personal mio, el grupo suele representar una puerta al pasado, que a veces es divertido re-visitar.
Se me ocurrió comentarle esta idea a mi novio justo momentos después de que me recomendara escuchar los discos de Javier Malosetti, excelente músico [olvidense por un momento de que quise escuchar a Aqua y háganme caso: escuchen sus discos]. Momento excelentemente detallado en La Lengua Impopular.


Craso error...

El grupo Aqua no será olvidado ni por mi, ni por mi novio, ni, aparentemente, por todos los que leyeron la nota en La Lengua Impopular.

Aquí, ejemplo de la situación:

Ventana de Messenger:

Chat de la Guild en WoW:

D: Leo, hacete un favor y escuchá Electrohope

L: Pasa que estoy bajando un disco de Aqua, después...

Como dije, hay cosas que no se perdonan,
y tener un pésimo timing como el que tuve con Aqua es una de ellas... xD

Bladeless

"The only thing salvaged from the wreckage was a knife that belonged to the late captain. The knife was remarkable, for it had all sorts of tools attached to it and could do just about everything. It could open a bottle of wine, tell you which direction was north, and crack the shells of recalcitrant oysters. Its one drawback was that you couldn't cut anything with it, since it lacked a blade, the inventor having run out of room, but that was a minor inconvenience compared to the fact that you could use it to trim your nose hairs."

Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman, Dragons of a Lost Star,
The War of Souls Volume II,
page 107

Hipocondríaca

No tengo nada que decir en mi defensa, Señor Juez.
Sólo que tanto estudio sobre fisiopatología me llevó a darme cuenta de que sufro de un severo trauma neurológico, derivado de la acumulación de ácidos grasos impares por la anemia perniciosa que se me generó cuando una lombriz solitaria impidió la absorción de vitamina B12 en mi intestino delgado. Y que esa lombriz solitaria me la contagié en el laboratorio de parasitología cuando estaba distraida porque caí en cuenta de que el ateroma que estoy segura de que debo tener en el cayado aórtico debe ser por la hiperlipidemia generada por la falta de receptores de LDL en las células que heredé de mis padres. Además me di cuenta de que mi orina tiene proteinuria gracias a la muestra que llevé per jodere al turno de orina de bioquímica clínica. Y después de leer sobre el mieloma múltiple junto con el dato de orina antes mencionado, estoy segura de que ese dolor de articulaciones que siento desde que empecé las clases debe ser causado por una hipocalcemia generada por ese tumor junto el hecho de que la lombriz solitaria no me deja absorber más calcio. A su vez, ahora que lo pienso, siento un dolor muy fuerte en el hipocondrio inferior derecho, con lo que estoy segura de que debo estar generando un abdomen agudo por una apendicitis. Y la hichazón que ve, no es sólo obesidad sino que es ascitis por hipertensión portal por lo que seguro tengo insuficiencia hepática por una cirrosis crónica por tener cálculos de colesterol en la vesícula que me obstruyen los conductos biliares y por ende no poder eliminar los ácidos biliares. No ve que mis ojos están amarillos??? Es la bilirrubinemia!!
Y aún así no entiende por qué puse una bomba en el Departamento de Bioquímica?
Sin las clases de estos profesores nunca me hubiera enterado de todo lo que tenía! Merecían morir.

Never-ending

And I read and read and read. But still there are hundreds of pages left.
I do not fear the fact that I won't be able to read all this for next Wednesday.
No, I have totally asumed that.
What I dread are the hours that I have still left, filled with pages that no longer hold interest to me, but that I have to know so some day I'll finally get my degree.
This is simply never-ending.

Note to self

Estoy encontrando que la PC tiene un efecto adictivo sobre mi persona. No es que sea algo raro en mi. Tengo una personalidad que se hace adicta a muchas cosas como por ejemplo: leer libros, al chocolate y los dulces en general, mirar películas y series, etc.... Pero sin embargo estas adicciones mencionadas no interrumpian mis actividades diarias ni hacían que me concentre tanto que me olvidaba de las duties que tenía.
Pero con la compu es otra historia. Me siento frente a ella y se puede quemar la casa que casi ni me doy cuenta. Esto del Facebook y los emocionantes jueguitos que tiene dentro (como el Tetris, MouseHunt)... El MMORPG que juego descaradamente (Eternal Lands); pelis y música para bajar, el RSS...
En fin. Múltiples opciones para que uno se distraiga fácilmente de lo que tenía planeado hacer.
Por eso y antes de que se me queme la casa como mencioné anteriormente y por ende me descuartizen mis viejos, decidí hacerme esta nota a mi misma como reminder...

Note to self: do not sit in front of the PC if you are cooking rice

Ya me pasó dos veces... dejar cocinando el arroz mientras me entretengo en la PC. Dicen que la tercera es la vencida (esperemos que no)...

Excelente manera de empezar el día... xD

Durante las dos primeras horas del día de ayer me paso de todo.
Primero me tuve que levantar a las 5a.m. [claro, porque como estamos 2 horas más que en Argentina, las 7 a.m. de acá son las 5 de allá]. Eso ya no me entusiasmo mucho, pero bueno, como estoy acá para conocer, se deben hacer ciertos sacrificios xD.
Por lo que para despertarme, me fui a pegar una ducha y resulta que mi viejo se habia llevado el shampoo del baño y había dejado un jabón líquido que tiene un envase muy parecido al del shampoo. Yo, dormida, ni me fijé y lo use de shampoo. Para cuando me di cuenta, tuve que salir de la ducha, vestirme, salir del cuarto y cruzarme enfrente a la habitación de mis viejos, pedir el shampoo y volver a la ducha.
Apenas recomienzo mi baño, se termina el agua caliente y yo ya estaba con el shampoo en el pelo. Asi que me terminé bañando con el agua congelada. De ahí me visto y cuando me voy a secar el pelo, se rompió el secador. Asi que ahí estaba yo 5:30 de la mañana secandome el pelo en la estufa. Qué buena manera de empezar el día! [Insertar mucho sarcasmo en esta última frase xD]
Luego desayunamos y todo bien.
Pero después se me ocurre pasar dos secs por el baño antes de salir para la Universidad do Algarve y que pasa?
Mi viejo piensa que yo ya habia salido de la habitación y cierra la puerta con llave. Asi que ahí me quede yo encerrada hasta que ellos se dieron cuenta de que yo no estaba por ningún lado! Encima tampoco los podía llamar porque mi cel no funcionaba! [Me olvidé de llamar a la compañía telefónica para que me active el roaming antes de salir ¬¬ ] Y por más que yo golpeaba la puerta para llamar la atención, no había nadie que me escuchara. Pense en salir por la ventana, pero estabamos en un segundo piso y ni siquiera había balcón o algo donde me pudiera ir bajando lentamente. Menos mal que se dieron cuenta que yo no estaba, sino iba a estar encerrada un rato largo!!
Excelente manera de empezar el día... xD

De vez en mes, como dice Arjona...

Esto de ser mujer a veces es un dolor de ovarios, literalmente...